I draw upon my dream journal for inspiration. Analyzing my dreams, I find the innermost drives that I do not realize in my daily routine. There are patterns and repetitions of the same situations in dreams.
I found that there is mix of language, people, and location between Canada and Korea. I assumed that this is very normal for those whom experience more than two cultures in their lives. It is interesting to see how I recall the people whom I no longer contact. It might be my longing for the people and the times that I cannot go back to. Returning to or visiting my hometown is not the answer to relieve your homesickness. As time goes by, there is a confusion about the concept of ‘home.’ I am growing apart from Korea and still an alien in Canada. To brighten my colour palette, I try to flip the coin and see the optimistic side: I am Korean and also Canadian. I can take both benefits.
Many dreams reflect my anxiety. I often dream that I am naked. I am undressed fully or partially in public. I was in the middle of taking a shower in front of a crowd. I felt humiliated and frustrated. Even though I tried to finish what I was doing, it seemed really hard to hide my body and people were still looking at me. There are also ‘lost dog’ dreams. I see unleashed dogs running around but I cannot catch them. I believe this kind of dream reveals my anxiety when I feel stuck and helpless.
Examining dreams is important when I do my art. First of all, its illogical aspects are very fascinating. I enjoy depicting what I saw the other night. The imagery that dreams suggest is more inspirational for me than staged objects and optical scenery. Secondly, it is one of the strongest methods to find my whole self. You might be able to list your desires when you are awake, but you will find more if you meet your subconscious. Whichever defensive mechanisms you use, most of them are not the healthy way. I believe facing or embracing your repressed urges is the key to a healthy ego.